G-damn Effing Bullshit

This stupid plantar fasciitis has me seriously bummed out.  I should not have run yesterday.  I need to take time off from running.  That is the horrid truth.  If I continue running on this right foot not only will it never get better and probably get worse, but running with a limp will probably fuck up other parts of my body, like hips and knees.  I'm facing this hard truth.  And it hurts.  I'm addicted to running.  It's my peace, solace and joy.  It makes me high and happy, especially at this time of year when the weather is changing and there is mud and just being outside makes my son say, "I feel so alive!" as he did on a walk with our friend Nichole on Saturday.

But here's the thing that really ticked me off: Today I made an appointment with the podiatrist who successfully treated my plantar warts a few years ago.  He had a cancellation and can see me Wednesday morning, which is great.  Sure, he'll probably tell me to stop running for a while, which is why I've been avoiding him, but maybe he can make some other suggestions to speed the recovery.   But in order for my insurance to cover this visit, I need a referral from my primary care provider.  So I called them, but since they haven't seen me in years, they want to see me before they will refer me.  They are in Island Pond, 45 minutes from St. Johnsbury where I work and where my podiatrist practices.  The reason they haven't seen me in years is because, A: I go to Planned Parenthood for my pap smears and annual pelvic exams because I believe in the work of Planned Parenthood and I like the practitioners there, and B: I'm generally very healthy so why would I need to visit my primary care provider?  So I have to drive up to Island Pond tomorrow morning so the kindly P.A., Jim, can poke my heel and arch and I can say, "ouch" and he can refer me to the podiatrist.  Okay, I know that in the scheme of things this extra step isn't that big a deal or inconvenience.  But it's stupid.  I have a classic case of PF and I don't need Jim to diagnose it.  What a waste of resources! But really I think my inability to cope properly with the minor irritation of the health care system has more to do with the fact that thinking about not running for weeks or more on end makes me feel crazy and depressed.  How will I cope with every day life without my morning and long runs?

I might just have to take up cycling.